Categories


Authors

Relapse

Relapse

Hello, hello!

What happens when, in spite of all the progress you have made, you are forced to take a step back? What happens when promises you have held on to for years, which looked like they were finally close to being fulfilled, get pushed back even further?

If you read the homepage of this website you will learn that I had a concussion for 5 years. During that concussion I experienced the hardest times I have ever gone through, but in spite of all that, I have seen God move in ways I could have never dreamed of. God has already healed me in so many ways but even still, He has promised to restore my health to more than what it was before I got injured. There are quite a lot of promises God has made in regards to my healing and I thought they were soon to be fulfilled. 

My blackout symptoms were starting to become obsolete, my headaches were few and far between, and I was doing a lot better over all. I could see the finish line and I was sprinting towards it! 

Since I came home for the summer my symptoms have gotten so much worse. I am having blackouts almost every day, headaches are constant, and I am continuously in a fog. I had an appointment last week with my doctor and he was just as discouraged as I am. He talked about putting me back on a seizure medication I had taken for years, specifically to target these blackout spells. Thankfully he was as hesitant to prescribe it as I was to take it. Instead he ordered for me to have an EEG test done and he will decide about a prescription based on those results.  

My test was on Tuesday morning and in preparation for this test I had to stay up all night on Monday. As I baked goodies, hung bulletin boards, watched countless movies and dawdled around the house trying to stay awake, I couldn't help but remember the many times I had done this before. It seemed like forever ago... it was hard to believe the girl in those memories was me. That girl was so sick. She lived in a constant fog, not able to comprehend simple things. She was in so much pain and the slightest movement took all her energy. She practically lived in hospitals; at least that's how it felt to her. She had no control over what was going on, she was confused, lonely, and sad... but through it all she had faith that her God was able to heal. 

I sat there reflecting on all that had happened in the past six years. I saw all the times God came through, all the times He healed me and gave me enough strength to face the day. I could see all the people He brought in my path that stood by me. I could see His hand in everything. 

So there I was, standing in between my past and the promises still to come. As I sat there reflecting, I keep returning to one thing that never changes... God is good. 

As Bill Johnson says so wisely, "If you can get the 'God is good' equation as the primary lens in which you see life, you'll always have hope, you'll always be encouraged, you'll always at least know what to do in crisis. You'll know that He's not the problem, you know, you're not warring against Him". 

I can honestly say that questions like, "Why God? Why are you doing this to me? Why did You make me go through this?" are not thoughts I have now. God has taught me over and over this past year that He is good and that everything stems from that truth. Bill Johnson, again, gave words to exactly what I was thinking. We are now, because we know that truth and because it is the foundation of all our understanding, positioned as a part of the answer. Whatever God is doing, He is still good. Whatever happens, God is still good. No matter how disappointed I am, God is still good. No matter how sick I feel, God is still good. No matter how far away His promises seem to be, God is still good. 

I guess I am writing this to remind us all that life takes turns. We can plan and prepare for everything to go one way and the next thing we know, there was a curve we didn't expect. The fact that God is good has to be the foundation in which we see everything. It could not be any truer and once we understand the depth of this concept, everything changes! 

I can't really tell where things are going to go from here, but I know that God will be glorified! I'll try to keep you all posted on what goes on and hopefully my next post about this topic will be a celebratory one! But if not... God is still good ;) Prayers are always welcomed! 

Blessings, my friends!! 

What 6 Weeks off Social Media Looked Like

What 6 Weeks off Social Media Looked Like

Why I Have a Blog [Video]

Why I Have a Blog [Video]